I miss God. I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true. I guess with moving, Romania, and general busy-ness in life I have just lost focus. It's funny that even a mission trip can be a distraction if your heart is a little left of center. But recently I have really longed to be closer to God.
Over the past year and a half, my relationship with God has reached new levels of intimacy, devotion, and passion. It has been amazing to see Him work and bring about things that I never dreamed of. But lately (a few months) I've slacked in my study time and my prayer time has really, really fallen off. The ol' slippery slope again. Man, I'm a sucker for that.
So in the past couple of weeks, I've been troubled about all of this. There have been several wet-eyed nights, sleepless nights, and heavy-hearted days. The worst of it is that even with a desire to reconnect, I've still found difficulty in turning back to Him.
But things are a-changing. God has shown me areas where I need work, things I've let interfere and things that I had dropped that I need to pick back up and continue pursuing. These burdens require much prayer.
Prayer. Back to that again. I need prayer to help... scratch that. Help implies assistance which implies that I just need an extra hand with this. That's not quite how it is. I don't need assistance, I need deliverance.
So in my prodigal-like return to closeness with God, I have found a passage that I will now share. Not only does it describe my recent dilemma, it also prescribes the cure. By the way, I totally ripped this off.
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from "How to Pray," by R.A. Torrey --
In the twelfth chapter of the Acts of the Apostles, we have a record of a prayer that prevailed with God and brought to pass great results. In the fifth verse of this chapter, the manner and method of this prayer are described in few words:
"Prayer was made without ceasing of the church unto God for him."
The first thing to notice in this verse is the brief expression unto God. The prayer that has power is the prayer that is offered unto God.
But some will say, "Is not all prayer unto God?"
No. Very much of so-called prayer, both public and private, is not unto God. In order that a prayer should be really unto God, there must be a definite and conscious approach to God when we pray; we must have a definite and vivid realization that God is bending over us and listening as we pray. In very much of our prayer, there is really but little thought of God. Our mind is taken up with the thought of what we need, and is not occupied with the thought of the mighty and loving Father of whom we are seeking it. Oftentimes it is the case that we are occupied neither with the need nor with the One to whom we are praying, but our mind is wandering here and there throughout the world. There is no power in that sort of prayer. But when we really come into God's presence, really meet Him face-to-face in the place of prayer, really seek the things we desire from Him, then there is power.
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Okay. Maybe you're a much better Christian than me (most likely), or you're just a more effective praying person (also likely). But I can honestly say that alot of my prayer times are taken up with my focus on the need. "God, can't You see how much I need this? Surely I've been good enough to deserve this? Throw me a bone here. I don't ask You for much and it really would solve everything." (God snickers)
Our faith shouldn't be in the righteousness of our request. Many things that we pray for are very godly but we let our understanding of God tell us that He should want this, too. I don't think it works that way.
Our faith and focus should be in the One who loves us enough to want to give us good things, and has the power to provide our needs. Only He has the wisdom and knowledge to define "good."
Funny side-note: in 1875 when R.A. Torrey came to realize his spiritual state and surrendered his life to Christ, he prayed, "Oh God, deliver me from this burden -- I'll even preach."
