I don't have time for God

I've been thinking alot about my own prayer life (which is a funny term because it sounds like a compartment of my life when it should be the biggest part of my life). Anyway, I've been looking into what keeps me from praying.

It seems like most days I run around crazy-headed, trying to accomplish all of the tasks I had planned, mix in a little R & R, get to bed at a decent hour, and fall asleep feeling proud of myself. But most days I lay in bed trying to fall asleep with a nagging feeling that I missed out on some QT with God.

I'm not talking about "praying without ceasing." I don't mean remaining in a prayerful state of mind while I go about performing my job, or listening to a Tomlin CD while driving, or reading a Max Lucado book, or writing a compelling, thought-provoking, life-changing post for you folks to read.

What I'm talking about here is real time with God. The kind of time He wants, when we set aside everything in our overly-complicated lives and devote ourselves completely to Him, on our knees, with His Word open and our hearts receptive. A daily Sabbath, if you will.

So what stands in the way? Life. Not real life, of course, but the life we have made for ourselves. Careers, people, relationships, sports, television shows that we just cannot miss, social lives that will utterly fall apart if we cut them short a half an hour, you name it. They are all priorities above God-time.

We tell ourselves that these things are godly parts of our lives that help us to be well-rounded Christians and that God wants us to be active and visible so that others can see Him in us. We're very proud of ourselves, aren't we?

Remember Daniel? Hangin' out-in-the-lions'-crib Daniel? Prayed-three-times-a-day-at-the-risk-of-death Daniel? What about David? Psalm-writing, shepherd boy-turned-king of Israel David? He stayed in constant communion with God and I still haven't heard of one single sheep that turned up missing.

And what about the God/Man Himself? If you're having trouble keeping up, I'm talking about Jesus. The Bible says that He often went off to pray alone and that He often continued in prayer all night.

The very nature of God and the reason He created us is so that we could have a relationship with Him. He would never want us to over-busy ourselves and cut Him out. The whole purpose of Jesus' death was to provide a way for us to fellowship with Him directly. That's why the veil was "rent in twain" (I've always wanted to use that).

The old saying goes, "If you're too busy for God, you're too busy." The times in my life when I've been alone with God for awhile have been the most life-changing times of my, well... life. We all need to slow down and trim the fat. We shouldn't struggle to make time for God. The difficulty should be in making time for anything else.

Too sermon-ish? Then there's only one thing left to do.

Would the ushers please come forward...?

Just thinking out loud here

I have a whole bunch of stuff on my mind. So I'll cover it in multiple posts. It's kind of like cyber-journaling.

This is my first post in a week, a long time for me. Sarah made me feel guilty for not writing as much because I like to read what you all have to say. It keeps me in touch with you guys throughout the week. I imagine it would be much more important if I were away at college. So I've decided to give you all the privilege of getting to know me better. Yeah, I know. It is a blessing.

I Googled "King of kings" for some reason. The responses were about an epic movie from the 1960's (which I've seen and liked), a Motorhead album (can't be good), and a professional wrestler named Triple H, or HHH. We are definitely living in a media-controlled world. Those "days of Noah" that Jesus talked about can't be far away. But I don't mean to discourage. I look forward to the day when Jesus returns and lays the smackdown on a wrestler who refers to himself as the king of kings.

Thanks to Virginia, I laugh everytime I think of the word capitulate. It reminds me of that scene in "Tommy Boy" where Farley and Spade are stoned in the car and keep repeating, "...speed limit, limit, limit," because it sounds funny to them. Thanks, V-Baby. Sweat rings and all.

Easter is coming and it's my favorite day of the year. Because of what we celebrate but also because of all the new clothes and dressed-up kids in little dresses and suits and ties. All of the colors are so bright and pretty (so they tell me).

I'm really excited about the upcoming JGen summer. The activities we came up with the other night are sure to be fun and purposeful. Definitely a summer we'll never forget.

Prayer is the topic of the day and I say, "Hallelujah." I believe it is the key to everything we want to see God do in our lives and around us. More importantly, what He wants to do, whether we are aware of it or not. I told my guys Sunday night that if we get our prayer lives right, and I mean really right, and take on an attitude of true humility and willingness, then He will change things in a way we could never imagine. Everything will change.

Speaking of prayer, and I apologize if I'm out of line, I am really burdened for three of our own. As you may know, Heather, Rachel, and Sarah's mom is going through a very difficult time. My heart goes out to Autumn, who has been very good to me. What better way for us to start sharpening our prayer skills than to lift up this family that is so very close to all of us. Mays girls, I pray for you three intently every day. I'm sure the stress and worry of this time can be overwhelming, especially with all of life's other cares. Praise to God that He is able to handle all our trials, physical and emotional. I love you gals very much and I think I speak for the whole crew when I say we've got your back.

Enough for today? I think so, too.

Four days to go.

Zaphenath-paneah

First, a quick story from my day. I have been burdened today, alot. It's the kind of burden that thrusts you at the mercy of God because there is no relief apart from Him. But that's not the story.

Early this morning, like 8:00 early, I get a text message from Virginia about something totally unrelated. Then she asks if everything is okay, at which point I hide my face from nosy onlookers and bawl like a teething baby. Thanks for the care, concern, encouragement, and prayers, V-Baby.

Then, at quitting time, Sarah texts me about something else unrelated, then asks about my day and also promises to be thinking about me. Thanks, smays, for encouragement number two. I'm naming my daughter Earnestine Carver, by the way.

So I leave work and go to the church in the hopes of just finding a pick-me-up and, lo and behold, I find Benji, Virginia and Rachel. If that's not a pick-me-up I don't know what is. They're discussing a situation that is eerily similar to my issue and I found comfort in hearing how Rachel is seeking God's wisdom about it. I think few of us will ever be the kind of friend that Rachie is.

So, thank you, Mays girls and Virginia. You're good medicine.

Now then. It's favorite Bible character time. Mine is Joseph (I'm thinking J4Gen). I read his story all the time and never get tired of it. He suffered much at the hands of others but always remained faithful to God. He was thrown into a pit, undeservedly, then sold into slavery, then thrown into another pit, undeservedly again (because of a woman, go figure), then forgotten about for two more years after the cupbearer promised to remember him. And all before he was thirty.

He was made overseer of his master's house, because God was with him.

He was put in charge of the prisoners, in the same prison in which he was a captive, because God was with him.

He was blessed with dream interpretation, which he never took credit for but always proclaimed, "It is not in me; God will give Pharaoh a favorable answer." (Genesis 41:16)

He was raised up from slavery to the second most powerful position in the world, because God was with him.

And he rescued his family, the ones that wanted him dead. And he forgave them before they asked. Don't see that too often, do we?

Joe was the man. He suffered and praised God. He succeeded and praised God. He was always faithful, no matter the circumstances or how it might benefit him. He stayed true to God whether it meant life or death, with no regard for what others thought. And God blessed him for it.

Now, I have an affinity for Egyptology. It has always fascinated me, probably because of the biblical relationship. But if I lived in the time of the Old Testament, I would not want to be an Egyptian. Bad juju. But Joseph had it good as an Egyptian, yes, because God was with him.

I really love the parallels between Joseph and Jesus. The rejection, the suffering, the faithfulness, the exaltation, and the salvation. Because of Joseph, the Hebrew race, not to mention the Egyptian empire, was saved. Because of Jesus, the human race was saved.

And this is way cool. Joseph, upon being appointed as governor, was given an Egyptian name by Pharaoh... Zaphenath-paneah. It loosely translates as "Savior".

Okay, I'll stop. This post has been long enough and you people have work to do. But I want to know about your favorite Bible people and why they are special to you. So, have at it. Blow up my inbox.

Why I am glad I'm not a Bible translator

Something caught my eye today in Titus. Paul wrote in chapter 3, verse 4:

"But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared,"

Growing up under straight-up King James, I remember hearing and reading alot about lovingkindness, as in Psalm 36:7:

"How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God!"

What I noticed today is that in Titus, two words are used as opposed to one word in the psalm. I know this isn't a big deal but I thought it was interesting.

So I did some research. The Hebrew word for "lovingkindness" means unfailing and loyal love, usually based on a prior relationship. It's the awesome and incomprehensible love that God shows to us every minute of every day. It's how He shows us how important we are to Him and it's what causes Him to bless us, grow us, discipline us, and form us into His likeness.

But "loving kindness" is talking about His kindness. The word "loving" is used to describe the kindness He showed to us when He appeared as our Savior to redeem us to Him. It was a single act of kindness, or mercy, that saved us. The loving kindness of God is Jesus Christ.

I guess all I'm saying is that the loving kindness of God allows us to receive and enjoy His lovingkindness.

Have a great Monday.

Identity theft

Benji talked tonight about your identity. What is your identity? With what do you identify? Of course, the churchy answer is God through Christ. But, as he talked to the kids, I thought about those times in my life when I lost my identity. I don't mean that I got all pouty and depressed, just very reflective and grateful to God for now having re-discovered my true identity.

It's shameful that there have been several times in my life when I just quit. I was in a good place spiritually, growing and learning, and for some reason, probably pride, I turned the other direction. So I'm going to give some unsolicited advice to you tonight. I don't mean to sound preachy or condescending, this is just the experience of a weathered, old veteran of the world speaking. I love you folks dearly and if my mistakes can keep any of you from suffering, then I will die with a smile.

When we are comfortable, we are vulnerable. My story is usually that I am devoted, committed, and involved and something turns my affections away from God. It's usually something that I view as a blessing or even a reward. But pretty soon my mind is not as concentrated on the godly things in my life. I begin to see myself as "wiser" or "more enlightened". My commitment to my obligations starts to fade, I'll start weaseling out of my duties, losing interest in the things that I had previously loved. And this is all while wearing the mask and acting like I'm fine. From there, it's a snowball. Excuses come more easily when we are listening to self.

I lose my identity. More precisely, I form a new one. One that suits my desires, my environment, my idea of what I think I should be. I totally and completely turn my back on God. I want to be cooler, I want to be looked upon with more respect from the wrong kind of people, I want to fit in with a crowd, I want to see what life has to offer. I want to walk a different path, one I make on my own. I've even told myself that "I'm just not as comfortable around those simple, churchy people anymore. I've outgrown them." And that's not been that long ago.

Here is truth. I stand firm and confident in telling you that that road does not lead where you think it does. It leads to heartache, sin, and an even longer road back to the ones you have hurt.

So here's the advice part: Check yourself. If you notice your attitude towards God and godly people changing, turn around. If it becomes easier and easier to set aside your duties for something more appealing, then stop! Trust me, these fires start small but they spread quickly and consume everything. Before you know it, you're a long way from home.

Sorry for the "downer post of the day." The good news is that with God, identities are never lost, just misplaced. He is always ready to receive us back, teach us our lessons, heal us up, and restore us. He's good like that, ya know. And those true friends that we trample over in the process? They're there, too. Open-armed and loving, forgiving and understanding, ready to love again.

I may not be super-confident in many things, but this is one of them. It's easy to slip away. That's why the Bible warns us to be vigilant.

See you Friday.

Some inspiration

So we fasted and implored our God for this, and He listened to our entreaty. --Ezra 8:23

Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, "Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish." --Esther 4:15, 16

Then Daniel went to his house and made the matter known to Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, his companions and told them to seek mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that Daniel and his companions might not be destroyed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon. --Daniel 2:17, 18


Maybe I'm the only one, but there are issues on my heart that I undoubtedly know are outside my own efforts. As today is a day of prayer and fasting, not only for Benji but also for things not to be mentioned here, let's make sure that we seek God's wisdom with faith and humility.

Whether the matter is made known to all of us, as with Esther, or to a few companions, as with Daniel, the sovereign God who has all power to hear and answer our prayers remains faithful to us.

I'm praying for all of you today.

Where to start

I'm not quite sure how to go about saying a proper thank you to those responsible for the surprise (boy, was it ever) birthday party given for me tonight. But I will try.

First, a few revisions from my previous post.

Heather and Juli (Nikki and Juri): Obviously, I jumped to conclusions about the Pumpkin Spice cake and Key Lime pie. I was sort of joking with you when I begged for them. By sort of I mean that I really, really, really wanted some but felt like I was asking too much from you two. However, you came through in a big way. It's not just idle compliments when I say they are the best and my favorite desserts ever. For a busy mom and a very sick gal, you really went to way too much effort for me. Thanks much and I love you both. I humbly and publicly eat crow.

Jessie: Thanks for the chocolate chip cookies, another top favorite. My name will definitely be in your shoebox next time.

Cody: I have to say that I'm touched by the song you wrote and performed for me. Rhyming my name is not only dangerous and potentially embarrassing, but difficult as well. Thanks, bro. I'll include the lyrics at the end of this post for everyone's entertainment.

Ryan, Baby Iyak, Sarah, Spenser, Rachel, Hayley, Benji, Bennett, Don, Dave: Thanks for being there to celebrate with me. If I've left out any contributions you made it's only because I'm not aware of them. You are great friends and make the first four days of the week worth the struggle just to get to Friday nights. Love you, guys.

And Virginia: From what I have been told, this was your doing, so watch your back! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the effort put into this. You really out-did yourself. I'm not used to being the center of attention but I must say I felt very special tonight. I am completely unworthy. I'll do some investigating and find out the whole story behind it all. Thanks for who you are and for becoming a very good friend in a very short time. You, out of all of us, have really got this JGen-family-love thing figured out. I love you bunches. And thanks for the D-lish brownies.

According to Sarah, my next birthday will also be spent with my new wife, or at least wife-to-be. I hope she doesn't mind spending Fridays with a dozen other people.

Chuck's Song

by Cody Mikles

(blues rhythm)

Now I know a man, his name is Chuck

He lives in a house, and drives a truck

He works all day, on the telephone lines

So I can tell, my girlfriend goodnight

Today is his birthday, he's a hundred years old

But that's alright, 'cause he's my hero

It's hard to believe, but when he was young

He had thick-rimmed glasses, and a bushy mustache

Oh, he has sold boots, in a western store

While being a soundman, for a country band

We don't need, McDreamy or McSteamy

'Cause we got Dreamy-Chuck-Steamy

Happy birthday Chuck, from all of us youth

We hope you have many, many more good times

You can't hide real talent.

Nothing too heavy today

I'm taking a break from deep thoughts today because, well, just because I can. But here are a few things I want you all to know.

Most importantly, thank you all for the calls, cards, text messages, comments, and e-mails regarding what I will call "Black Thursday." You know what I mean. Death's sickle swings a little closer today. I'm now a virile and rambunctious thirty-seven years old. But in my mind, and many of you can confirm this, I will always be twenty-four.

Seriously though, I have never felt so loved in my life. Simple birthday wishes may seem like small things to you but I have never felt so blessed. I couldn't imagine a day that would be any better than getting to hear from each of you. So thanks for the love. All that is missing is Pumpkin Spice cake and Key Lime pie (Juri and Nikki, there's always next year. Or any random day hereafter). :)

Next, I must say that Jason "Cus D'Amato" Reagan is a brutal, wicked taskmaster. I just returned from working out with Jason, Benji, and Ryan and I can barely lift my hands to this keyboard. We did a boxing workout and, like I told J-Ray, "if I ever get strong, fast and accurate, I'll be deadly."

Do you have any idea how awesome Tupperware is? I doubt you do. I just received a box full of it that I ordered from Juli and I am having a blast with it. I have no logical explanation for this condition but I am loving it!

A point of interest that might cause premature heart failure to some of you (someone make sure there's a defibrillator handy). I now own a tobyMac CD, and I bought it of my own freewill. In the past, when I was being a putz, I ran him down pretty hard just to get on people's nerves. Truth is, I dig it. I think that flushing noise you hear is the last vestige of my stubborn pride. The transformation is complete.

And finally (I knew I couldn't avoid prayer), Benji and I were talking today about our up-coming focus on prayer and we hit on the term "breaching containment." We both gave each other that look we get when something clicks. He had said that he's almost scared, in a good way, about what this focus will bring. When we get our praying right, and by right I mean steady, focused, obedient, and humble, the death of our selfishness and control will allow the Holy Spirit to burst out, assume command, and God is free to do all the amazing work He wants to do. But it's going to take surrender. The final surrender of the things we are clinging to; our plans and dreams, our wishes, and our presumptions of what we think should be His will. That's what real prayer will do. It will give Him the line of communication He desires between ourselves and Him.

Being real must begin with God. When we get real with Him, it changes everything.

Happy weekend, y'all.

Here a prayer, there a prayer, everywhere a prayer prayer.

I'm literally surrounded by the topic of prayer. That's God's doing, so, pay attention.

Sorry. More from Charles Spurgeon. I think the reason I am drawn to preachers like him and D.L. Moody is because they were what I strive to be. They were truly Spirit-filled men of God who let themselves be used for great things. And they did it un-apologetically. So humor me. You might get something out of it.

Tonight I'll simply quote Spurgeon and let you ponder it and draw your own conclusions. This portion of this sermon is titled, "The condition of a believer who is being prepared for greater honor and wider service." I think this should speak to all of us JGenners. Buckle up!

Is it not a curious thing that, whenever God means to make a man great, He always breaks him in pieces first? There was a man whom the Lord meant to make into a prince. How did He do it? Why, He met him one night, and wrestled with him! You always hear about Jacob's wrestling. Well, I dare say he did; but it was not Jacob who was the principal wrestler: "There wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day." God touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh, and put it out of joint, before He called him "Israel"; that is, "a prince of God." The wrestling was to take all his strength out of him; and when his strength was gone, then God called him a prince. Now, David was to be king over all Israel. What was the way to Jerusalem for David? What was the way to the throne? Well, it was around by the cave of Adullam. He must go there, and be an outlaw, and an outcast, for that was the way by which he would be made king.

Have none of you ever noticed, in your own lives, that whenever God is going to give you an enlargement, and bring you out to a larger sphere of service, or a higher platform of spiritual life, you always get thrown down? That is His usual way of working; He makes you hungry before He feeds you; He strips you before He robes you; He makes nothing of you before He makes something of you. This was the way with David. He is to be king in Jerusalem; but he must go to the throne by the way of the cave. Now, are any of you going to heaven, or going to a more heavenly state of sanctification, or going to a greater sphere of usefulness? Do not wonder if you go by the way of the cave. Why is that?

It is, first, because, if God would make you greatly useful, he must teach you how to pray. The man who is a great preacher, and yet cannot pray, will come to a bad end. A woman who cannot pray, and yet is noted for the conducting of Bible classes, has already come to a bad end. If you can be great without prayer, your greatness will be your ruin. If God means to bless you greatly, He will make you pray greatly, as He does David, who says in this part of his preparation for coming to his throne, "I cried unto the Lord with my voice; with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication."

God wants to use you for greater things. I sincerely want you all to be closer to God and more useful to Him, even if that means a little breaking. So don't forget to pray today.

Happy March 12th. (I'm shameless)

"Call unto me..."

This is kinda ripped off from Charles Spurgeon but, as prayer, real prayer, is the topic on the horizon, it is not only fitting but powerful as well.

I was reading Spurgeon earlier tonight, one of his sermons on prayer (he wrote over 3000 of them). The sermon is titled "The Golden Key of Prayer." The Scripture reference is Jeremiah 33:3:

Call unto Me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (KJV, by the way)

Jeremiah wrote this from a "cold, damp prison floor." But in this verse is a command, "call unto Me," and a promise, "I will answer thee." Jeremiah found out, as many of us have and we all eventually will, that, "God's people have always in their worst condition found out the best of their God. He is good at all times; but He seems to be at His best when they are at their worst."

Spurgeon goes on to write about what things we take to God and how Satan will try to convince us that our issues are trivial and of no importance. He writes:

"(says the devil), If you were in any other position you might rest upon the mighty arm of God; but here your prayer will not avail you. Either it is too trivial a matter, or it is too connected with temporals, or else it is a matter in which you have sinned too much, or else it is too high, too hard, too complicated a piece of business, you have no right to take that before God! So suggests the foul fiend of hell."

I confess that I fall for this all the time. I sometimes see my concerns in light of eternity and think, "That really doesn't matter much. God has bigger things going on." But God loves me and when I take my cares to Him and "cast them upon Him," He hears and will answer.

"Call unto Me - call unto Me. Are you sick? Would you be healed? Cry unto Me, for I am a Great Physician. Does providence trouble you? Are you fearful that you shall not provide things honest in the sight of man? Call unto Me! Are your griefs little yet painful, like small points and pricks of thorns? Call unto Me! Is your burden heavy as though it would make your back break beneath its load? Call unto Me!"

Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee; He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

It saddens me that we have simplified prayer to a mere wish-list, but complicated it to a rigid, outlined, ritualistic chant . We either doubt our life-altering issues are important enough for His time, or we think He should stop the progress of history to attend solely to our concerns. Pride and/or selfishness, it always comes down to that.

What if we just stopped praying because we want to be comfortable and started praying because He wants us to? What if we made it about Him once and for all? What if our time spent alone with God became more important than our time spent with the things that make us feel okay about ourselves?

"Hours for the world, and moments for Christ! We give our strength and freshness to the ways of mammon, and our fatigue and languor to the ways of God."

The more I think about our "new, fresh way" of doing things, it appears that we haven't found a "new, fresh way." We've re-discovered the way that works because it has always worked. Spurgeon died 120 years ago. And, believe it or not, we've begun to think just like he did. Only the language is different.

Happy hump-day.

Some days are diamonds...

Believe it or not, there are days when I love my job. This is where I worked all day today. It's in a little valley in Union County. Warm weather, blue skies, and no one to bother me. That, my friends, is what I like to call a good day.

I had a Scripture verse stuck in my head all day that sums up the beauty of nature.

For His invisible attributes, namely, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. --Romans 1:20

"The entire natural world bears witness to God through its beauty, complexity, and design."

God's power and majesty are clearly revealed in the world He has made. But mankind rejects Him. No one can say that there is insufficient evidence that He exists. His existence is all around us.

Matthew Henry puts it this way:

"The power and Godhead of God are invisible things, and yet are clearly seen in their products. He works in secret but manifests what He has wrought, and therein makes known His power and Godhead."

There is no excuse, no "show me more, God, maybe then I'll believe." He has shown Himself since the beginning of time. The order of creation itself is proof that He is.

I am. God is.

It's a Creek thang

I promised Shelby and Hayley I would post this picture and they actually agreed to let me. I guess Stock Creek gals turn into truckstop gals every now and then. Yeah. Awkward.

I like to call this look Redneck/Thug.

WWJW pictures are up on my Flickr site. Click on the photo gallery or go to my photostream. I only uploaded about half of them. It takes forever.

I'm very smiley today. Maybe it's the weather. Warm and sunny makes me warm and fuzzy, I guess. But maybe it's something else.

I was thinking today about all the little busy things we have going on in our lives. Mainly the church things. There's a lot going on! JGen, Awkward, UGLY, Frequency, Live-Wire, N.O.W., Romania, lions, tigers, and bears. I can't even name them all. But there's also relationship maintenance, relationship development, accountability, and most importantly, just loving everybody. These things are important to us, they are practically our whole life. How important are they to God?

I think not very important at all. Weren't expecting to hear that, maybe? Don't like the sound of it? Great, big, all-loving God not caring?!?!? C'est impossible!!

But we are very important to Him. More important than anything. Our activities may be just what we do to stay involved with Him, but He loves us enough to involve Himself in our activities and our relationships because those are the things that keep our relationship with Him in focus. And that's what it's all about.

That's what God wants more than anything; to be in a constant state of communication and communion with us. So He intervenes in our daily lives and events, continually moving in us and around us, showing Himself to us and to others through us. It's not the things we do that matter, it's the reason we do them.

So we should occasionally stop and check ourselves and our motives. And we should always be aware that God desires us. He isn't too concerned with completing a checklist or giving out "Best New Idea of the Day" awards.

I guess there's no great point to make here. Just the way my mind was thinking today.

I Feel Like Crap. Or, "Storytime with Uncle Chucky"

Ugh. I now have what everyone else has had. Thanks a bunch. At noon today I felt fine. By 4 o'clock I felt like someone had whipped the you-know-what out of me with an I-don't-know-what. The kicker is that I was off all last week so I can't, in good conscience, take off tomorrow. I would appreciate a little shout-out for me in your prayer time. Wednesday could be long and taxing.

Enough whining. On with the story.

Howard M. Carver was my grandfather (the "M" stands for McDoyle, good thing they named me after his first name). He was a mathematical genius. Seriously. He good do long calculations in his head and on paper that I still can't do on a computer. It was amazing, people.

Grandad worked for around forty years at Robertshaw-Fulton as a shop foreman. R-F was the big white factory on Cumberland, on the left just before you go under Alcoa Hwy. They tore it down last year. He was well-liked and I still get people who, upon hearing my last name, ask if I'm "kin to Haird." Doug Hayes is one of these people. He worked with G-dad years ago.

I think he was so good at math because he was responsible for keeping the books in his department in the days before calculators and computers. All you accountants and numbers-crunchers imagine doing your jobs that way. You'd slit your wrists after half a day.

When I was in school, many moons ago, I would ask Grandad for help with math. I did, and still do, suck at math. I remember one time he was helping me with long division. I was just learning it and it was tough, man.

I had worked a problem on paper that was about twenty-four lines long and, yeah, you guessed it. Wrong answer. I was crushed because I felt completely stupid and was dreading re-doing the problem. I will never forget what Grandad said, even though at the time it fell on deaf ears.

"When you get down there and where your at is wrong, just back-track a little to the place it was last right and start from there. "

Jesus met his disciples at the Sea of Galilee. Right where He found them to begin with. Possibly, they had decided that their time as disciples had ended with Jesus' death and now they were just going to live out the retired life doing what they did best. But when they reach the shore and sit down to eat with Jesus, He approaches Peter and gives him the opportunity of a lifetime. Peter gets three chances to profess his love for the Lord, just like he had three chances to deny his love for the Lord. John Ortberg writes about how the fire is specifically noted as a charcoal fire, just like when Peter denied Christ around the fire-barrel. It must have really reminded Peter of that night when he turned his back on Jesus. But this time, Peter is back where he needs to be. He is where he can be found. Square one.

The result is that Jesus gives Peter his misson, his calling. Peter went back to where it began and came out with a new life.

Sometimes we just need to back up to where we were last right with God and start from there. Restoration for Jonah began in the fish when it was just him and God. The Bible says that after three days Jonah prayed. What went on for three days in a fish's gut? Fish burps and God-talk. Jonah had time to get back to God. He was a prophet, and needed to be reminded of it. I would wager that a fair amount of internal speaking and listening went on in that fish.

When Prof. Dr. Rev. Cross was talking about this, and his own personal story, Friday night, I, of course, was thinking about my own "life-crash." My last year or so has been one of demolition and restoration. It took me a while to understand that where I needed to take myself was the place where my life was last in tune with God. And God met me there. He is now more real to me than ever before, He now has more of me than ever before, and His voice is clearer to me than ever before. Like Peter and Jonah, and countless others, I got my mission from the Lord when my own mission was stripped away. One word: Hallelujah.

Thanks to Senator Cross for the inspiration. Thanks to Grandad for the life lesson. Actually, he's in Heaven and couldn't care less about what's going on with me because he gets to look at Jesus all day. I'm okay with that.

No preaching tonight...

...because it's late and I'm tired. I just got home, just got a shower, just fixed a burger (I call it the "Big Chuck"), and it's almost midnight. So I have just a few random things to mention.

1) Heather, Sarah and Virginia, this is Fire Marshal Bill. So when I walk around with my upper lip tucked in, as in the photo above, you'll understand. Proceed with your old man jokes as you will, I can take it.

2) A few of you good, lovely people gave me a much needed and much appreciated gift today. Thank you. It's not even my birthday! That happens next week, by the way. I'll be 25.

3) I really do thank God for this past weekend. I know it was more for the kids than me but what a great God He is to speak to all of us there, even the leaders. Specifically, I thank Him for:

• showing me some things in my heart


• changing some things in my heart


• and confirming some things in my heart

4) How, in Heaven's name, did I come away from this trip with the nickname "Kitty?" It's beyond me.

5) As soon as I get a few hours to spare, I'll upload the pics from WWJW to my Flickr site. Hopefully tomorrow night.

6) And finally, God continues to teach me about the many different faces of love. How it comes from Him, reflects Him, brings glory to Him, and endures (long-suffers for you KJV-er's) like Him.

Being real is about expressing love. It's about being the person God wants me to be and living in response to His love and the love He wants me to share. So my attitude toward certain things has changed. Most importantly, no more free passes. I've always been one to turn a deaf ear and a blind eye because I didn't want to anger someone or endanger a friendship. That's not being a very good friend. I am not willing to overlook certain issues anymore because love demands that those we love be where they need to be with God. So, in the future, I'm going to try to be more honest with people and be a better compass. It's not because of selfishness or control, personal desires or motives. It's because of love. I hope you will do the same for me when I need it.

I'm going to bed now. If I can stop watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It's on television right now. You'd think I haven't seen it four dozen times.

First thing

Obviously, there will be much to say about this weekend and the things God spoke to us. Thanks to Benji for great worship and leading us into an awesome time of reflection and opening up, and basically just for loving his youth group and his leadership. Thanks to Dave for being open to what God wanted him to say and for being a willing mouthpiece. And thanks to Mike and Teresa for organizing the trip and being willing servants the whole time.

But before I delve into the heart of the weekend (future posts, possibly), I have to mention the big burden I came away with this weekend. And let me say that I am the "chief of sinners" on this one.

We have to start treating each other the same. We are a great and loving family but sometimes we have fun at the expense of others. I only have to say "bingo" and "personal space" for all of you to know what I'm talking about. Please don't think I'm fussing, I'm only sharing something that God has hit me with.

I saw all weekend long how we love our inside jokes. I do, too. It's a family, clique-ish, bonding thing. It gives us something to talk about when we want to have a little fun. Nothing wrong with fun. But if we go to extremes to have it, then it's time to back off and take a little introspective time.

What if we really started appreciating a touchy-feely person instead of acting like they have the plague? The truth is there is no inappropriate motivation behind their actions. I can say that with 100% confidence. Their ways are just different. The person I'm referring to actually loves us more than we love each other and would go to any lengths necessary just to make sure we are comfortable and happy. We are much more touchy-feely with each other than this person has ever been, we just limit our disgust to anyone outside the circle of "cool and well-liked" people. Real mature, huh? And we probably do it just to distract from our own insecurities about physical contact with people. That's not the Jesus kind of love and it's nowhere close to real family. I apologize for my part in this, and it's been a big part.

If any of us would be real about it, we would have to admit that we don't love on the scale that this person does. The tough question is, we should, but do we want to?

And what about the different ones? The special ones who have quirky personalities and less-than-acceptable social skills? Is it really a big deal if someone we are around five times a week closes in on us and makes us feel uncomfortable? She's just trying to be a part of the group, the group that we have made exclusive to only the ones we deem acceptable. Maybe if we opened up to the ones we have made outcasts, they would be more comfortable around us, thus making us more comfortable around them. Life hasn't been as smooth and easy for everyone like it has been for some of us. Maybe we should show our thanks to God by helping to put some joy into the life of someone who needs some. The truth is, she loves nothing more than coming to church and hanging with all of us. And all we do is duck and dodge, and crack jokes behind her back. That's not exactly "doing to the least of these." (see Matthew 25:42-45)

It's not love if it's selective. That's how the world loves and we want no part of that.

God wants something more from us. The words God spoke to us this weekend should have us all stopping to consider our spiritual state and how well we show Him to the world. But if our own family, the ones we worship and pray with, the ones we teach and learn from, if they can't see Jesus' love in us, then the world won't see it.

If you've made it this far and don't hate me, let me assure you that I'm the first and greatest offender in both of these situations. I have preached love on this blog more times than I can count. I have tried to be good to, and for, each of you because I care deeply about you. I've busted my rear-end and lost days and weeks of sleep struggling with God about how to restore broken relationships with you. But I haven't loved the others that Jesus has blessed my life with. I've been selective in who I choose to love. That's wrong, y'all.

So I am sorry for the way I've acted. There is no excuse for it. I sincerely apologize and ask your forgiveness for leading you by example into these actions and, frankly, this sin. We will never be all that God wants us to be if we call ourselves something that we're not.

Maybe you're not a guilty party in this. That's great. But please take some time and talk to God about it. Put it before Him and ask Him how He feels about it. This weekend was about being real. That's actually just a synonym for being Christ-like.

I love you all. If you want to talk more about this or if I've made you mad and you want to blast me, you can call me.

I hope you have a great week.