I couldn't wait to get up today and tell you guys about my awesome experience last night. Then Heather stole my thunder. Nevertheless, I'll share mine, too.
I haven't been sleeping lately. At all. Maybe two or three hours each night and that is frustrating and really makes life hard. Last night wasn't much different.
At around 11:30, I knew I wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon so I decided I would use the time to talk to God. So I started praying. I started with my frustrations over sleeplessness and then just kind of listened for Him to talk and bring things to mind. Without realizing it, I started pacing the room. I was walking in a little circle on the rug in my room in the dark. I told God about my fears and all the things I was worried about. I prayed about JGen and church, for Benji and his desires, and for all the people I love and want to see changed by God. Then, silence.
No God. Nowhere. That really bothered me. So I started screaming. I wanted to know where He was. I wanted to know why He wasn't listening. I wanted to know why He loved everyone but me. Still pacing.
"I haven't gone anywhere."
Whew! Relieved, I was.
"I told you I would always be there and I will. I'm quiet for an hour and you freak out. Either you trust Me or you don't."
For the next little while, we talked on and I prayed about the things I've been praying about for a long time. And I prayed about the things I don't know how to pray about. The things that I don't know how to feel about.
But He was there the whole time. Calming me down, comforting me, showing me His love. Just hanging out. And letting me know He was working. Letting me know that those prayers weren't just chatter, that they mean something to Him. He treasures them.
"What else do you do when you love someone?"
"I do things that make them happy. I trust them. I respect them and value their opinion. I put their needs before mine. I listen to them. I talk to them."
That's what God did last night for me. He reassured me. He spent time with me. He came as strength to my weakness.
When I woke up this morning, I looked at my rug. There is a path worn down in the carpet that looks like South-Doyle's track. I spent about three hours walking that floor with God last night. That may not be a record mile but it's a mile closer to God. It's steps toward knowing Him more and becoming more like Jesus.
