Today, while driving home from work, I had another one of those "clarity" moments with God. I call it that because it's like every so often God decides to show me how things are in His perfect world instead of my sometimes vague world. (click here for another example)
I can't wait to get home and get changed out of my Arctic gear that I've had to wear all week. I'm really tired, too. So I'm driving and listening to Audio Adrenaline, Underdog or Bloom, not sure which, and "It is Well with My Soul" comes on. One of the best renderings of this old song, by the way. It's always been one of my favorite hymns, anyway. I turn up the volume and begin to sing along (a frequent event in my truck). Then I notice that I'm singing "is it well" instead of "it is well". And not because I don't know the right words.
At first I chuckled. Then I kept singing it wrong and thinking about how transposing two small words changes the whole meaning. It goes from a song of praise and thanksgiving to a song of doubt and struggling with faith. So I started talking to God about it. "Is it well, God? I mean really well, with my soul? Can I honestly come to you day in and day out and mean it when I praise you? Or am I just psyching myself up? Am I actually holding on to you and following or am I fooling myself with a false faith, a faith based on self? 'Cause You've put some real big mountains in my path lately and even though I know You have directed my steps and made some things happen, am I really okay with it all?"
God said, "You tell me."
"I'd rather You tell me. Isn't that how this relationship is supposed to work? I ask, You tell. You lead, I follow. I mean, You're Lord, right?"
"Am I? Am I really your Lord?"
"Crap."
"Because if I am your true Lord, in control of all you have and all you want, then anything and everything is well. That's how My Love works."
Then the peace came. The wonderful, incomprehensible sense of well-being that lets you know you are inseparable from Him. Because that is how He designed the relationship. No matter what comes along, if we remain in Him and follow His leading, He stays with us. Even when times are difficult or impossible to understand, He does not let us out of His care.
"Let Me ask you again. Is it well?"
Yeah. It sure is.
Then I rocked it out to "Free Ride".
